


Along For The Ride

by da_petty



Series: The Amorous Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and John Watson [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Arguing, Come as Lube, Crack Relationships, First Time, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Outdoor Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2018-12-29 21:53:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12094188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/da_petty/pseuds/da_petty
Summary: Sherlock makes a New Year's Resolution regarding his virginity and expects John to be a "friend" and take it for him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not betad. Not Brit-picked. First thing I've written in fan fiction. First thing I've written in years. Publishing without review before I chicken out and file it. Please be gentle as I'm a delicate flower. :D

“Please shut up...” John muttered under his breath.

“John, I don’t see why you’re refusing to help me with this.”

“Please, please, please shut up” John was quickly becoming irate. Of all of Sherlock’s ridiculous ideas, this one was the absolute worst. Not to mention, impossible. Well, improbable. Well...highly unlikely anyhow.

“John...” Sherlock began.

“Stop saying my name...”

“John”, Sherlock looked over to the driver’s seat where John sat, currently driving them back from a Christmas visit with Sherlock’s family in the country. Unfortunately, the drive had just started. And they’re still a long way from London.

“Why we had to leave your family’s house in the middle of the night is beyond me. I’m tired, it’s a long drive, and I don’t want to spend it arguing about the latest bee you’ve got in your bonnet.”

“I was BORED! Bored, bored, bored, bored, BORED! It’s not like I can sleep there...”

“Yes. Well. I was doing quite well in that area. Until you came barging in at 2 am going on about needing to get home right away. You being bored is not a legitimate reason for dragging me out of bed in the middle of the night...” John said disgustedly.

“I was doing you a favor. You couldn’t have been comfortable!”

“Right. That bit where you had to keep shaking me and calling my name? That was me being very comfortable.”

Sherlock was quiet for a moment.

“Well. No matter. We’re on our way now.”

“Yes. So please do shut up and let’s just get this trip over with.”

“I don’t know why you won’t even entertain the idea. You’re the one who is always telling me to make a New Year’s resolution and now you won’t even help.” Sherlock whinged.

“First of all, New Year’s resolutions are supposed to be kept secret or they won’t come true. Second, New Year’s is still three days away. And, third, despite your sudden desire to rid yourself of your virginity at the tender age of what, 34? I am not going to be the person to do it.”

“I don’t see why not. You’re my best friend. You’ve said so. I thought that best friends helped each other in times of need.”

“Ok. This is not a ‘need’. This is a ‘want’. And a random one at that. Why now? Why me? Not to mention that fact that I’m not gay.”

“John’, Sherlock huffed “I know you’re not gay. I’m not either. Well, I don’t think I’m anything, actually. And I’ve already said that I chose you because you’re my best friend. I trust you. And as I’m about to turn 35 next month, I’ve decided that it’s time to check ‘virgin’ off of my ‘to do’ list.”

John finally glanced over at Sherlock “You have a to do list with “lose virginity” on it? Seriously?”

“Of course. It’s part of the human experience and I’d like to experience as much as possible and reasonable. Surely, you don’t want me to hire a prostitute!”

“No, Sherlock. I wasn’t advising you hire a prostitute.” John hesitated, then said with a laugh “And don’t call me Shirley.”

“What are you talking about? I didn’t called you ‘Shirley’. Why would I do that? You don’t even want me to say your name or are you insisting on using a pseudonym now? That’s just ridiculous.”

“God. No. Never mind. It was just a joke...” John said, slouching further down in his seat. ‘I’ll barely be able to see over the bonnet at this rate’ he thought. John glanced over to Sherlock who sat wriggling madly about in the passenger seat.

“For the love of God! What’s wrong with you! Sit still! You’re driving me insane with all of that moving about. You should have used the loo before we left.”

“I did. This has nothing to do with that.”

“I don’t even want to know.” John said, returning his eyes to the road.

Sherlock had ambushed him as soon as they were in the car. They hadn’t driven for more than 15 minutes before Sherlock sprang the ‘deflowering’ question on him. And since when had Sherlock decided that John was his best friend? John remembers saying that to Sherlock but he doesn’t remember ever having heard that in return. It’s seems a little coincidental, occurring while requesting that John just throw 40 odd years of heterosexuality away based on “friendship”.

“Favor, my arse!”

“What was that?”

“I said, don’t talk to me for the rest of this trip.”

“That’s not what you said.”

“Well, I’m saying it NOW!” John bellowed.

Truth was, in the beginning when John had tried to ascertain Sherlock’s dating habits, he might have been a bit more interested than he’d let on. And for months afterward, he had accepted that he might just have a little man-crush on his flat mate. He’d abruptly closed off that line of thought and fell into an easy, if somewhat tense, friendship with the detective. That, and he was most definitely not gay.

Occasionally, John would admire the cut of Sherlock’s bespoke attire. Particularly the way the line of his hips were framed so well in his trousers. Then he’d - once again - remind himself that he wasn’t gay and was was only admiring the cut of Sherlock’s clothes and not Sherlock himself.

‘He’s stunning, really.’John thought. Dammit! He was not going down this road again!

“John”

“Oh my GOD! I swear that if you don’t shut it right now, I’m going to pull this car over until I can stop thinking about wrapping my hands around your swan-like throat and throttling you to within an inch of your life. SHUT UP!”

“But, John. This is really important to me. You must remember what it was like to want to lose your virginity. And it’s not as if you haven’t seen me just about completely naked at one time or another.”

“I’ve seen you naked because you’ve either been injured or have no sense of modesty and insist on walking around the flat wearing a sheet like a goddamned toga!”

“John...”

“What’d I say about that? STOP SAYING MY NAME! Just STOP!”

“John, it’s only one time. I don’t see what the problem is. We share everything. Take away, taxis, the flat...”

“You did NOT just compare losing your virginity to sharing a meal!”

“You’ve done favors for friends before. Things that you didn’t want to do but you did them out of friendship. That’s all I’m asking.”

“I have never shagged a friend as a ‘favor’!”

“What about Sarah at work? You said that you were friends with her and you definitely wanted to sleep with her.”

“Sherlock. That wasn’t a ‘favor’. That was based on mutual desire and I don’t desire you. And, please quit with all that twitching!”

Sherlock stopped squirming but it was obvious that it was only temporary reprieve.

“John...”

“Right. That’s it!” John said as he pulled the vehicle to the side of the road, shut off the engine and all but threw himself out of the car. Slamming the door behind him, John began pacing back and forth, muttering beneath his breath;

“Annoying cunt! Fucking prat! You’re lucky I don’t kill you. How you’ve made it to 34 without being murdered in your sleep, is beyond me.”

In the quiet of the countryside, he heard the passenger side door open.

“Sherlock. I swear. Don’t come out here. I won’t be responsible for what might happen if you come near me right now. Have a sense of self-preservation for once in your life and get back in the GODDAMNED CAR!”

“John...I’m sorry. You don’t realize how important this is to me. Who else would I ask? I’ve no other ‘friends’ nor do I want any. Who else could I trust enough to do this for me whilst at my most vulnerable. If you’d just think about it, you’d realize that it’s actually a compliment. If not you, then it will never be anyone. Just pretend that I’m one of your many dates. You won’t need to face me. We can do it...I believe that it’s called; ‘doggy style’. You wouldn’t even have to see my genitalia.”

John stopped pacing round the bonnet for what must have been the tenth time, turned and just stared at Sherlock, mouth agape.

“First of all, I don’t need to see your cock and balls to know that you’re a man. And, a compliment? A COMPLIMENT?! Saying ‘John. Great job on the case today. I couldn’t have solved it without you...’, THAT’S a compliment!”

“You don’t expect me to lie to you, do you?”

“Typical. The only compliment that you can think to give me is the honor of taking the great Sherlock Holmes’ virginity! Why do I put up with you. You obviously don’t find any real value in having my friendship, other than as someone to assist you in achieving your bucket list. No. I won’t do it. Don’t ask again. Get in the car and for once in your life, shut your mouth or else I’ll shut it for you!”

Sherlock walked towards John until he was actually in John’s personal space.

“Just do this one thing, and I’ll never ask you for anything else again. Please.” Sherlock began to place his hand on John’s shoulder to emphasize his sincerity. John grabbed his wrist, spun him around against the ticking bonnet, and shoved Sherlock’s arm behind his back with just enough force to hurt but not injure him.

As John shook with anger, he realized that he had Sherlock Holmes bent over an auto and that his cock was now pressing against Sherlock’s backside. The next thing that he realized was that he was becoming hard. Rather rapidly. And unexpectedly.

“So, this is what you want then? To be taken like an animal on the side of the road?” John began to grind himself against Sherlock’s perfect backside. ‘Perfect’? Where had that thought come from. Well, no harm noticing that. People admire others of the same sex all the time.

“I suppose you’d be happy if I took you right here. Right now.” John asked as he began rubbing himself against Sherlock’s perfect, yes, perfect, arse.

“Yes, John. I’d like that very much, actually.” Sherlock tried to look over his shoulder at John, but John only grabbed the back of his neck and forced his head back down against the bonnet.

“I hate to complain, John, but...”

“Oh. THAT’S rich?! YOU hate to complain?!”

“I was just about to say that the bonnet hasn’t cooled completely since you pulled the car over.”

“Is it burning your face?” John asked.

“Well, no but it is a bit warm.”

“It’s December, the middle of the night, we’re outside the car, it’s freezing and you’re complaining about the bonnet being too warm?!”

“It was merely and observation, John. Do carry on.”

John slid his hand around the curve of Sherlock’s hip on his way to the front of his trousers.

“Anal sex can be very painful, especially without lube and preparation. Are absolutely sure...”

“John. I think we’ve established that I’m sure.”

“I can’t believe that I’m doing this.”

John reached around to access Sherlock’s flies. Flipping the button free with practiced ease, he slowly pulled the zipper down in what was most definitely a provocative manner. As he slid his hand inside Sherlock’s pants, he realized with surprise that Sherlock was surprisingly well endowed. Also surprising? Sherlock’s cock was rock hard.

Pressing his upper body against Sherlock’s back now, John whispered close to his ear, “I knew that your projects excited you but I had no idea how much.”

“I enjoy all of my projects equally...hnh...”

“Ah. THAT’S the secret to shutting you up. Not very practical in most situations but now? The timing is perfect.”

John had wrapped his fingers around Sherlock’s cock, sliding his hand slowly down the silky softness of his flesh.

“Interesting how something so hard can feel so soft at the same time.” John said, slowly dragging his palm up Sherlock’s now even harder erection.

“Have you ever had someone touch you like this before, Sherlock?” John asked before beginning an agonizingly slow rhythm, moving his hand up and down Sherlock’s cock. Alternately squeezing and caressing its impressive girth.

“N...nno. The work is everything, you know tha...Oh!” Sherlock threw his head back against John’s shoulder and shuddered.

John began pushing Sherlock’s trousers and pants down only to become impatient with his progress.

“Sod this!” John lifted his left foot, placed it between Sherlock’s thighs, and shoved both pants and trousers to the ground in one swift motion.

“John...” Sherlock moaned.

“If you’re about to complain about the state of your trousers being on the ground, don’t.” Laughing when Sherlock snapped his mouth shut.

John had never had sex with a man before. Never even thought about it until Sherlock. Yes, he finally admitted, he’d thought about having Sherlock on all fours in front of him and that luscious mouth wrapped around his cock, but everyone has had at least one homosexual fantasy. Haven’t they? And blowjobs were gender neutral, right? And it’s not as if John was opposed to homosexuality. He’d just never thought that he’d be interested in being with a man but, judging by the state of his own cock, he was most definitely VERY interested.

“Too many clothes, John.” Sherlock sighed.

“Right.” John said, shoving his trousers and pants, none too gently, down to puddle around his ankles.

'This is crazy. This is crazy. I can’t believe that I’m on the side of the road, about to fuck Sherlock Holmes against to bonnet of a rental.' He thought.

“Do you know anything at all about anal sex, Sherlock?” John asked, reaching down with one hand to cup his balls. ‘In for a penny, in for a pound’, he thought.

“Of course. I always do my research before beginning a project.”

“‘Always’, Sherlock? Are you really going to go with that one?”

“Often...”

“No...”

“Fine. I **did** research anal sex though. It seemed like something one shouldn’t enter into lightly.”

“HAH! That’s true. Literally.”

John pulled back so that he could admire Sherlock’s pert backside. So smooth, yet so firm. He removed his hand from Sherlock’s balls and ran his palm down one warm cheek, cupping the bottom.

“John. Foreplay really isn’t necessary...” Sherlock began.

“Oh, trust me Sherlock, it’s most definitely necessary.” Removing his other hand from Sherlock’s cock and grasping his hips, John pulled him roughly back against his own cock. As John began sliding his cock up and down against that elegant arse, Sherlock moaned.

“Are you aware of the preparation that one usually does before having anal sex? Particularly for the first time?” John was pressed so tightly against Sherlock’s crack that he swore that he could feel his tailbone pressing back.

“Yes, John. Research.” Sherlock had started that statement in a relatively calm tone of voice until John pulled his hips slightly back only to grind hard against Sherlock again. Then John got to enjoy a new sound; Sherlock beginning to lose himself in passion as he moaned deeply.

“Well, if you already know, I suppose I don’t need to walk you through it step by step. Although I doubt you’ll be doing much walking for at least a day by the time I've finished with you.”

Sherlock drew in a sharp breath and ground his arse back against John’s cock. Sherlock had no idea why he’d done that. It’d just happen. ‘Interesting. Natural instinct. I must write this down when we return to the flat...’

While Sherlock had taken a detour into thinking about his project, John had wet his fingers and, after pulling back slightly, had found Sherlock’s hole and begun running circles around it with his index finger. Suddenly, he stopped.

“Sherlock?”

“Yes, John?”

“When you were squirming earlier, was that due to the lube that already appears to be up your arse?”

“I said that I’d researched this John. I wanted to be ready in the event that you acquiesced and didn’t change your mind due to a lack of lubrication. Saliva not being the best choice as it quickly dries and that could be painful. As I’m sure that you’re well aware.”

John realized that Sherlock was thinking again; couldn’t have that. So he stopped rubbing Sherlock’s hole and began slowly inserting his index finger up to the second knuckle. As John slid his finger out, he lingered at the edge of Sherlock’s hole. Feeling Sherlock shudder as he pulled his finger out; he slowly slid it back in again.

“And what’s the status of your project now? Hmm?”

“Its...very...um...interesting...” Sherlock breathed.

“Really? Just interesting?”

“Well, it IS a project, Joh...” Sherlock broke off as John introduced a second finger into his hole and begin to steadily increase the pace of finger fucking Sherlock Holmes.

Sherlock began panting, laying his head back on the bonnet with a moan.

“That’s it. Almost ready.” Then John added the third and final finger, scissoring them to allow him easier access and making penetration more comfortable for Sherlock. Hopefully.

“Last chance, Sherlock. Are you sure that you want to do this? We can stop right now.”

“Don’t stop! DON’T STOP! Whatever you do, for the love of god, DON’T STOP!”

John smiled and said “Your wish is my command.” And, carefully lining up with Sherlock’s hole, slowly eased the head of his cock through first one ring of muscle and then the next. Sherlock inhaled sharply, then froze.

“Sherlock. You need to relax or this will be a very unpleasant experience for us both. You, right now, and for me? When we return to the flat and you begin complaining about my lack of skill. So, please? For me? Unclench your arse. You’re almost unbearably tight.”

“Ok. Ok. Ok.” Sherlock began breathing in and out rapidly, trying to relax.

“You’re going to hyperventilate. That’s actually worse. Hold still.” And with that, John began to trail kisses along Sherlock’s back, grasping that head of gorgeous curly black hair, he pulled Sherlock’s head back and licked his earlobe. Ending with a nibble on the very edge.

John could feel Sherlock begin to relax. Removing one hand from Sherlock’s hip, he licked the tip of his finger, smoothed his hand around to Sherlock’s chest and lightly began circling a very stiff nipple. After several seconds of dedicated attention, Sherlock groaned and then completely relaxed. With as smile, John began to slowly slide home until he had seated himself, balls to Sherlock’s arse.

Holding still, John asked, “Sherlock? Status?”

“I’m good. I’m fine. Is there more to this? It seems like there should be more.” He said breathlessly.

“Oh, there’s more. Let me know if I hurt you at any point and I’ll stop.” With that, John began to slowly pick up speed.

“This is...oh god...this is unexpectedly...very enjoy...ah...ble.”

“Sherlock, breathe. You need to breathe.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, John!” Sherlock snapped. “If I wasn’t breathing, I’d be dead! Ohhh!!”

John had moved from Sherlock’s nipple, to his cock, now wet with pre-come. He palmed the head to use the moisture as a lubricant and began pumping Sherlock’s cock in earnest. Sliding his hand down with each thrust, then sliding it up as he pulled his hips back and slammed home once again.

“God, Sherlock! I’m going to come!”

“Already?!”

“Shut it!” John withdrew and began to tease Sherlock's prostate with the head of his cock. He began thrusting partially, rubbing against that bundle of nerves that soon reduced Sherlock to a quivering mass of feelings. 

John began thrusting in earnest, chasing his orgasm. Sherlock had begun pumping his cock into John’s hand, chasing his own. Suddenly, Sherlock froze, lifting his head and chest away from the bonnet and cried out wordlessly in pleasure.

As John felt Sherlock’s hole begin to spasm around his cock in release, John came as well. First he saw nothing but darkness, and then flashes of light.

“Oh my god. That’s was fantastic! That was unbelievable!” John said.

Sherlock, now regaining his senses said, “It was. It was. We must try that again at least two more times. We need set up a control baseline for the study first, though.”

“Just, stop. Didn’t you enjoy this at all? Was it all only a project to you? I literally saw lights flashing as I came.”

“John, of course I enjoyed it, obviously.” Sherlock gestured to the come now painting the tyre and wheel well.

“And I saw lights too.”

Withdrawing from Sherlock, John said, “You did? That’s great!”

“In fact, I’m still seeing them.”

“What? Are you ok?”

Just then, John heard the sound of another vehicle pulling onto the gravel behind them, engine idling. Looking up, headlights shining directly in his eyes, he heard a car door open.

“License and registration please.” The officer said.

“And for the love of god, pull up your goddamned trousers!”

“Shite” said John.

“Indeed”

 

 

 


	2. The Long Drive Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the run in with the constabulary, John adamantly refuses to participate in Sherlock's experiment any further.

It wasn’t until two hours later that John and Sherlock were allowed to leave following their run in with the local constabulary.

“I’m sorry, John.” Sherlock had been apologizing for the last half hour. It wasn’t that he actually felt guilty. He rarely felt guilty about anything. The end had justified the means, after all. But he knew that John was angry. He also knew that his only hope of convincing John to allow Sherlock to penetrate him for the next experiment required that he be in John’s good graces. Some might call that ‘manipulative’ but Sherlock just called that another step in proceeding with the project. He needed John to cooperate and he was fairly certain that an angry John would likely resist the idea of allowing Sherlock access to his rectum. 

“John. I really am sorry.” He looked over to where John sat hunched over the steering wheel, looking like a little black cloud.

“I know you are, Sherlock. I just don’t care. I’ve never been so embarrassed in all my life.”

“I’m sure that you’re exaggerating. What about that time...”

“Shut it!”

“I had no idea that the officers were going to speak to us separately.”

“Oh. So this wasn’t a part of your ‘project plan’?” John said sarcastically.

“Well, technically, it’s an unknown variable. There are always unknown variables but they’re virtually impossible to plan for in advance, hence the precedent word, “unknown”.

“All I want to know is why that one constable insisted on seeing my pants before he’d allow me to get back in the car.”

“I can answer that. The officer who remained behind to speak with me said that there had been reports of a half naked man running around the area wearing only white briefs and staring into people’s windows while they were watching telly. Fortunately, you were wearing plaid boxers so they let us go.”

“Lucky, lucky me. I have a hunch that they would have let us go either way. If the greeting of ‘Sherlock! Back in town for the holidays? How are your mum and dad? Give them my regards!’ Was any indication.

“John. The Holmes’ have lived in this area for hundreds of years. Of course they’ve heard of us.”

“Heard of you? He called you ‘Sherlock’. That man knew you personally!”

“That was merely a coincidence. His older brother had been friends with Mycroft whilst growing up.”

“Mycroft had a friend?”

“Yes, John. Mycroft can be very personable when he wants to be.”

“You know what? I STILL don’t care. I just want to go home and go to bed. And NEVER speak of this again.” John glanced over and gave him a sharp look that Sherlock supposed was meant to express his seriousness. Since most looks and comments never affected Sherlock, he didn’t understand why John bothered doing it.

“I can’t promise that, John. You know that it’s part of my study and there will be other instances requiring new data.”

“You can just count me out of that data gathering. I’ve done my part. Happy Fucking New Year!”

“But, what about the control group? What about the two other times that I mentioned?”

“Sherlock, in a moment of temporary insanity, I helped you fulfill your New Year’s resolution. That’s it. I’m out.”

“But John...” No answer. No talking for the rest of the trip. This didn’t bode well for phase two of the experiment.


	3. Birthday presents!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock can be very persuasive.

January 3rd, three days before Sherlock’s 35th birthday...

“John. I don’t know if you had plannned on giving me something for my birthday this year, but...”

“Last year is the first time that I even knew the date of your birthday and now you’re making gift suggestions?”

“Well, you know now so what difference does it make?”

“It doesn’t make a bit of difference to me. I’m getting you the same thing that I’ve gotten you every year since we’ve been flatmates.”

“You’ve never given me anything for my birthday, John.”

“Well, you just ruined the surprise. Happy Birthday!”

Sherlock had factored in delays caused by a recalcitrant John but he did have phase two scheduled to take place on his birthday. He’d just have to be more persuasive if he was going to meet his milestone and Sherlock could be very persuasive.

\-------

January 4th, two days before Sherlock’s 35th birthday... 

“So, John. About that present...”

“I’ve already told you that I’m not getting you a thing.” John said, opening his newspaper with a snap. 

“I have a request...”

John looked up from the paper. 

“Stop. If there’s one thing that I know about you, it’s that anytime you ‘request’ something, I’m not going to like it.”

“But it’s important...” 

John folded the newspaper and placed it on the table next to him, giving Sherlock his undivided attention. 

“Is this about your damned experiment again? Because, if it is, I’ve already told you that I’ve done my part. You need to find someone else for any other ‘experiments’ that you have in mind. Ask Greg. See what he thinks.” John smirked. If Sherlock approached Greg about participating in the study, their next trip to the pub would be hilarious. Wait. Sherlock might feel the need to to discuss phase one with Greg as an example of someone else cooperating and he didn’t want it to get out that he’d shagged Sherlock in the first place. Much less the fact that he’d shagged him up against a rental with the police showing up.

“Who’s ‘Greg’?”

“You know what? Never mind.” As John was about to make his escape; it was definitely a good time to make tea, Sherlock said;

“Why would I ask someone else? I’ve already told you that you’re the only person I’d allow to see me in such a state. I’m not about to go around asking for volunteers!”

“I don’t care what you do. You’re just not doing it either with, or to me.”

This was becoming more difficult than Sherlock had originally allocated on the timetable. The schedule was now in serious jeopardy of not meeting the phase two milestone and that was unacceptable. He’d just have to approach John in a different manner. Sherlock felt a bit at sea. John had never been so adamantly against something before. He was usually so cooperative. Now he was just being difficult. What was wrong with him?


	4. Exactly What It Says On The Tin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock orders from Amazon UK.

January 5th, one day before Sherlock’s 35th birthday... 6 PM

“Sherlock, dear.” Mrs Hudson was standing in the doorway of their flat holding a small box in her hands. “Several packages arrived for you earlier today.” Raising the box as as an example in case Sherlock doubted her.

Sherlock immediately rushed to the door and grabbed the package from Mrs Hudson so quickly that she swore she could feel brush burns on her fingertips.

“Yes. Thank you Mrs Hudson.” Sherlock said as he spun her around to face the stairs. Subtle, he was not.

“I’ll be down later to collect the others.” And, so saying, Sherlock gave her a little encouraging push to get her started on her way out.

Looking back, Mrs Hudson said, “Well, alright. I could stack them in the hallway if that would make it easier for you. You can’t carry twenty packages up at one time.”

Sherlock lightly grabbed Mrs Hudson’s arm, whispering in her ear, “I’m well aware of that but thank you, no. I’ll move them out of your flat directly.” Suddenly, Sherlock raised his nose into the air and sniffed, saying “Are you baking? I smell something burning.”

“Oh dear! My casserole!” Sherlock released her arm, smiling evilly as Mrs Hudson quickly toddled down the stairs to check on her casserole.

“What’s that?” John said, tilting his head up to refer to the package that Sherlock still held in his hands.

Sherlock looked down at the package and quickly shoved it behind his back. A slight blush tinting the very tops of his ears.

“What?”

“That. I can’t see behind your back but, yes. You’re definitely holding something. What is it.” John said, leaning forward in his chair. ‘This could be fun’, John thought.

“Oh, nothing that would interest you...”

“I think that I should be the judge of that”, John said, beginning to stand. “And just how many packages are waiting for you in Mrs Hudson’s flat?”

“Oh. Who knows”, Sherlock replied nervously. “I don’t even remember what I ordered.

“Uh huh. I saw the ‘Amazon Prime’ label when Mrs Hudson was standing in the doorway. Two day delivery, guaranteed, right?” John had now gotten up and was walking towards Sherlock who’d begun to fidget.

John was intrigued. Sherlock was embarrassed. Now he HAD to know what was in that box. Standing directly in front of Sherlock, he reached behind him in an attempt to grab the package, Sherlock began switching the box back and forth between his hands, in an attempt to keep John from achieving his goal.

“Sherlock! You’re being childish! I only want to have a peak inside. What’s wrong with you?” Sherlock was now holding the package above his head, well out of John’s reach. 

“Oh, for Christ’s sake!” John made a lunge slamming Sherlock against the wall, his arms going around him in an effort to get him to hold still long enough to grab that damned box.

Everything stopped. Both breathing rapidly. Sherlock’s ears had become even redder. John tilted his head back, and looked him directly in the eye saying in a husky voice, “Is all this really necessary? I only want to see what’s inside your box.” ‘Damn!’ John thought. That sounded all kinds of wrong.

Sherlock replied, “It’s for an experiment, John. Nothing that would interested you.”

“And I said; let me be the judge of that” John tightened his arms causing Sherlock to let out a sudden of puff of air.

“Fine.” Sherlock said breathlessly. “But it’s pointless. You can’t open it. That can only be done under controlled conditions.”

“Ah. Is this for your project’s 'control group?' John asked, releasing Sherlock, and stepping back with his hand out. 

“One of the many that are currently in progress, yes. Here. Take it!” Sherlock said, all but shoving the box into John’s hand.

Sherlock had made sure to only order items that were labeled ‘Discrete Packaging’. So, knowing that the box held no information on it, Sherlock stared at John, looking smug.

“Fine. I don’t know what you think you’re going to learn without opening it. The package isn’t labeled.”

John began turning the box over and over in his hands. Sherlock was right, no labels. Then he turned the box on its end and found some extremely small print. As he was scrutinizing the package, Sherlock froze and began to seem a little panicked.

“John. What are you looking at? I’ve already told you, it’s unlabeled.” But as John continued to concentrate on the bottom of the box, Sherlock began to have doubts.

“Ah hah!” John exclaimed, holding the box up and shaking it for emphasis. 

“What do you ‘think’ you’ve found?” Sherlock was reaching over to take the box back from John.

“Ah ah ah! Now it’s my turn to play detective!”

At that, Sherlock drew himself up, looking highly insulted by the intimation that he only ‘played’ at being a detective. As he began to open his mouth to protest, John looked up and realized his mistake.

“Sorry. Sorry. I know that you’re a detective. The ‘World’s Only Consulting Detective.’ There’s no way that I could forget that, I hear it often enough.”

Sherlock harrumphed and went back to panicking, worrying that the box might actually have something printed on it. Probably just a barcode. John could be very irritating at times.

“Hmm. There seems to be some fine print, I can almost make it out... Yes! ‘Five ball, stainless steel butt plug.’ Stainless steel? Really?” John said looking at Sherlock while wiggling his eyebrows.

“Give me that!” Sherlock reached over, yanking the box out of John’s hands.

“‘Five ball, stainless steel butt plug in discrete packaging.’” Sherlock read, glancing up, mouth agape.

“You know, I think that your idea of ‘discrete packaging’ might be a little different than the seller’s. You should probably contact them about that.” John grinned, hands behind his back as he rocked back and forth on his heels feeling very satisfied with himself.

“That won’t be necessary as I don’t plan to order from them again!” Sherlock huffed.

“Wait. Didn’t Mrs Hudson say that you had ‘several’ packages waiting for you in her flat? Why don’t I just nip down and help you bring them up!” And, so saying, John ran gleefully down the 17 stairs to Mrs Hudson’s flat. ‘I haven’t been this excited since I was a kid opening presents at Christmas’, he thought.

Sherlock was left standing, mouth still agape, frozen in place, while John practically ran down the stairs. Then he heard John knocking at Mrs Hudson’s door. Did that knocking seem a little more urgent than usual or was that his imagination? Sherlock blinked and began running down the stairs, leaping over the last three steps and landing beside John just as the door was being opened.

“I don’t need your help with this, John.”

“Oh, but I think you do.”

“Oh! Wonderful! Sherlock would have had to make several trips to get all this upstairs.” And with that, Mrs Hudson opened the door completely and gestured towards a truly staggering amount of boxes stacked in her foyer. “These experiments of yours can be dangerous. Do try not to set fire to the flat again this time. ”

“Oh. I’m pretty sure that starting a fire is an integral part of the project.” John whispered so that Mrs Hudson couldn’t hear him.

“You wanted to help. Then help!” Sherlock said then began shoving boxes into John’s arms until he had made a rather shaky tower.

“My goodness, Sherlock!” Mrs Hudson exclaimed. “This project of yours must be HUGE!”

John, turning to leave, burst out laughing and headed back up the steps to 221B.

“Thank you, Mrs Hudson.” Sherlock backed out of the flat, and, briefly loosing one hand on the already precariously perched boxes in his arms, reached over and slammed the door in Mrs Hudson’s face.

“Sherlock! I do wish you’d stop doing that!”

“Goodbye, Mrs Hudson!” Sherlock was taking the steps two at a time, however, after having to go back and pick up several fallen packages, he was forced to proceed in a more controlled manner. 

As he was placing the boxes on the floor next to the front door of their flat, he heard John say, “Wow! It really is as promised on the label.”

Looking up, Sherlock saw that John was punctuating his comment using the stainless steel dildo.

“Kindly stop waving that about and put it back into the box!”

“It’s so heavy” John said, slapping it against his palm. “Is this a dildo or a doorstop?”

Taking three long strides, Sherlock snatched the toy from John’s hand saying, “The box. Now, if you please.”

Handing Sherlock the box, John said, “You know, that toy suggests that you’re fun but your actions would seem to indicate otherwise. Is EVERYTHING in those boxes related to sex?”

“That would be none of your concern.” Sherlock said haughtily, throwing the now closed box into his bedroom without looking. A loud crash quickly followed.

“Was that your lamp?”

“Mind your own business, John.” Sherlock then turned and marched into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

“Sherlock!! Do you want me to start unboxing the rest of these packages?” John called.

Sherlock’s bedroom door was suddenly flung open with so much force that the doorknob punched a hole in his bedroom wall.

“That won’t be necessary! I’ll be keeping them in my room!” Sherlock stepped forward and began the first of many trips, ferrying his precious cargo into his bedroom. As he was heading back to his room with what he thought was the final box, John called out.

“Don’t forget the lube! I didn’t know that it came in bottles this big! Or is it for burn treatment? I can’t tell.” Sherlock turned back and saw to his dismay that John had unboxed another item and was holding it close to his face to read the label.

“Apply generously to...Hey! I’d almost figured out what it was!”

“Give me that!” Sherlock said, pulling yet another, and final - he hoped - package out of John’s hands.

“Have fun in there!”

Sherlock didn’t dignify that with an answer. Kicking his bedroom door shut behind him with the bottom of his foot, not once turning around.

“My goodness. Touchy touchy.” John laughed.


	5. Surprise, Surprise!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Sherlock's birthday! I wonder what John will give him...

January 6th, Sherlock’s 35th birthday... 2am

John had gone to bed but had yet to fall asleep. He just couldn’t stop thinking about what might be in those boxes. And that stainless steel dildo? Who was THAT one for?! ‘Best not go near an MRI whilst wearing one of those!’ He thought.

Hearing the sound of Sherlock’s bedroom door slowly creaking open, John sat up. The next thing he heard was Sherlock quietly walking up the stairs to his bedroom. 

John watched as the door began to slowly open until Sherlock appeared as a tall, dark shadow in the doorway. He was slightly illuminated by the light shining from downstairs allowing them to see each other vaguely. Then their eyes met and Sherlock froze.

“Is that the bottle of industrial sized lube in your hand or have you been injured and require treatment?”

Sherlock, moving forward, stepped next to John’s bed, looking down on him.

“I really wish you’d change your mind about phase two of the experiment, John. I think that you’d find it enjoyable.”

John nodded to the stainless steel dildo clutched by the handle. ‘Handle?! Good lord! It has a proper handle on it!’ He thought.

“Who’s that for?”

“You of course, John. The study requires that I reciprocate penetration in order to obtain a comparative result.” Sherlock threw all the sincerity behind that statement that he was able. The result was Sherlock sounding like he was humoring John - which was exactly what he was doing.

“Do you honestly think that I’ll let you put something that big up my arse?”

“I was hoping...wait. Does that mean that you’d allow me to penetrate you with something smaller? I’m sure that I could find something downstairs to suit!” Sherlock said just a tad too eagerly.

“That wasn’t what I meant, and you know it.”

“It’s really not all that big, John. The balls are graduated in size. They start out small, slightly increasing in size until the end.”

“Don’t bat your big, blue eyes at me! At least offer me a drink first!”

“Be right back!” Sherlock turned and ran down the stairs quickly only to slide down the last two steps, landing on his arse with a mighty thud. 

“I’m fine!” Sherlock yelled.

“Good to hear. Perhaps wearing socks while running down wooden steps was a bad idea.” Throwing the covers off, John sat on the side of his bed, waiting. ‘I shouldn’t be encouraging this.’ He thought. ‘I’m curious though. Not because I’m interested in Sherlock sexually.’ John said to his partially erect cock. ‘I’m not! Stop looking at me like that! A few dreams and instances of thinking about Sherlock while masturbating, doesn’t mean a thing! Who hasn’t done that?’ I’m just helping him with his experiment. He’s my best mate, after all.’

John heard Sherlock running up the stairs. “Slow down! I don’t want to have to pull broken glass out of your arse at two in the morning!”

Sherlock popped into the room. “IS there a good time to be pulling glass from anyone’s arse? Honestly, John.”

“If you plan to have your way with me, you’d be best served by not taking that tone with me right now.”

“Sorry. Sorry.” Sherlock said, handing John a glass of excellent brandy and setting another glass on the nightstand.

“Stop staring at me, Sherlock.” John said, pausing with his glass halfway to his lips.

“I was wondering how long you planned to nurse your drink. It’s getting late.”

“‘Nurse my drink’? You literally just handed it to me. And since when have you worried about time?”

“I’m just anxious to proceed.”

“Well, that makes one of us.” John said, gulping his drink in one swallow. Then he found his glass snatched out of his hand, and another glass of brandy immediately replacing it.

John looked up at Sherlock, raised an eyebrow and said, “I’m obviously considering your request. You don’t need to get me drunk to get into my pants.” Still, John downed the second drink just as quickly. Slamming the glass on the table, John said, “Ok. What’s next.” He sounded more than a little tipsy.

“Um...well, lay back on the bed, you need to remove your pajama bottoms and pants.”

“Oh? I thought you’d want to do that for me. You know, for science and all that.”

“You’re right, of course! Controlled environment.” Then Sherlock pushed John back on the bed, shucking off his pajama bottoms in one fell swoop. “No pants, John? Really.” 

“I don’t like to feel constricted when I’m trying to sleep.” 

Looking down at John’s hardening cock, Sherlock said, “I’m glad to see that you’re willing to participate in my experiment without reserve.”

“Yes, well, best friends and all that...” John slurred.

“I hadn’t included a variable for alcohol use. No matter. I’ll just have to amend the spreadsheet later. Now, recline horizontally and lay on your stomach, if you please.”

“Oh. Stop sweet talking me, Sherlock. You’ll turn my head!”

“I wasn’t aware that I WAS sweet talk...ah, you’re joking. Here, let me grab a pillow. Lift up a bit. Your bottom needs to be in the proper position to make your experience pleasurable.”

“I love it when you talk dirty!” John lifted his hips so that Sherlock could slip the pillow beneath him. “Now what?”

“Are you still erect?”

“Again with the sexy talk? Yes, I’m definitely still erect but all of this talking is going to fix that if you don’t get on with it.”

“John. Please turn your head to the wall. I can’t concentrate with you staring at me like that.”

“Oh. Forgive me, doctor.” John said while turning his head to the requested position. “Wouldn’t want to skew your results.

“Um hmmm.” Sherlock muttered distractedly as he reached for something that he’d placed on the floor near the bed.

“When do we start?”

“We’ve already started. No more talking.” Picking up a book, Sherlock began studying the images. ‘The Joy of Sex’ printed clearly on the cover. Sherlock looked from the book, to the dildo, to the lube and back again. Turning his head this way and that to make sure that he had John in the correct position.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing. Nothing.” Sherlock said, shoving the book beneath John’s bed.

“Now, please remain calm. It’s not my intent to hurt you.”

“That’s never stopped you before.” John laughed.

But Sherlock wasn’t paying attention. He was reading the directions on the bottle of lube. The dildo had only come with cleaning instructions, but how difficult could it be? Judging by the silhouette of a person without genitalia, the tool was just inserted directly into the rectum. Should be easy.

“Sherlock, please. Before I change my mind.”

“Here. Hold this.” And shoved a clean towel at John. “Could be messy.”

“I don’t doubt it.” John said, hugging the towel to himself. “Today, please.”

“These things can’t be rushed, John!”

“They can if you want to proceed.”

Sherlock began generously slicking the stainless steel with lube. ‘Might be too much lubrication but the book said that you can’t be too careful, so...’ He thought.

“Ok. Ready, John?”

“I’ve been ready!”

“Here we go and please, no more talking.”

Sherlock sat beside John’s hip on the bed. Grasping the handle of the dildo - quite practical, actually - and setting the economy sized bottle of lube on the end table, Sherlock began to lean in John’s direction. Unfortunately, Sherlock had misjudged the distance between the bottle and the table top; the lube, teetering back and forth dangerously, finally unbalanced, falling off the table, landing on it’s bottom on the floor, splashing lube all over John and Sherlock.

“What the fuck, Sherlock?!” John said, looking at the lube that now covered his arm. Not to mention the amount that had also landed on his back. Turning his face back to the wall, John made a disgusted sound.

“My mistake. Now, let’s continue.”

“Sherlock, a little wipe down wouldn’t go amiss.”

“Sorry, the book shows clean up at the end.” Sherlock said without thinking.

“Book? What book? Are you...you are! You’re reading instructions!” John said, turning to look at Sherlock in amusement.

“Obviously, John. I’ve never done this before. It’s for your own safety. Now, head back into position, please.”

With a heavy sigh, John did as he was told. ‘I need to have my head examined. Sherlock’s dangerous on his best day. This has the potential for a failure of epic proportions.’ He thought.

“Now, no more talking, please!” Sherlock leaned over John, and spreading his cheeks apart, searched for John’s hole. And, without absolutely any preparation, began to shove the first stainless steel ball into John’s rectum.

“HEY! What the fuck are you trying to do? Rip me from stem to stern? This isn’t a contest. And you haven’t prepared me. Remember how I did that for you? Yeah, do that.”

“Oh. I thought that you were already experienced in this area.” Sherlock said, sitting back, a little put out at being stopped again.

“First of all, I don’t care how experienced a person is, everyone needs a bit of preparation before you go shoving metal balls up their arse! And, second, no. I have absolutely no experience being on the receiving end of this type of sexual play. Be gentle, for fuck’s sake!”

“Alright. Towel, John.” The towel hit Sherlock in the face instead of the outstretched hand that he’d offered to John. Placing the towel on the end table, Sherlock set the slippery dildo on it and turned back to John’s beleaguered arse.

“Steady.” Said Sherlock as he slowly began spreading John’s cheeks again.

“I’m not a horse!”

“Quiet!” Sherlock said, while gently inserting his index finger into John’s anus to the first knuckle. “Better?” 

“Much.” John sighed, grinding his hips into the pillow.

Placing one hand on John’s hip, Sherlock gradually increased the pressure until he was up to his third knuckle.

“Ok?”

“Yes. Very ok. I should have tried this with a girl friend long before this!”

Sherlock withdrew and then plunged two fingers into John without any finesse.

“Oi! Easy there!”

“Sorry. Don’t corrupt the data with mentions of your past conquests, please.”

“You sound jealous.” John smirked.

“No. Not at all. I’m just trying to keep any new variables from entering the experiment.”

John snorted. “Did you just use ‘experiment’ as a euphemism for my arse?”

“Please, John. Do be quiet! I’m trying to concentrate!” And, so saying, Sherlock forced John’s hips back into the pillow causing John to moan and then apply more pressure to his cock by slightly humping the bed.

“Stop moving, please. You’re ruining my rhythm.”

John stopped moving as Sherlock added a third and final finger to the mix.

“There. How does that feel?”

“Like more. Some moving in and out would be appreciated.”

“Ah. Ok. The book just showed that three fingers should be inserted but it didn’t mention any other motion.” As Sherlock began slowly pumping John’s hole with all three fingers, John moaned and ground his hips against the bed again.

“Don’t stop. Please don’t stop! If you’d curl your fingers a bit on the way out, I’d appreciate it.”

“Ah. Prostate massage. I saw that in the index but hadn’t gotten that far yet.”

“Yeah. Whatever.” Sherlock, finding John’s prostate, grazed it lightly on the withdrawal of his fingers causing John to shudder.

‘I’m getting the hang of this.’ Sherlock thought. John issued a deeper moan; Sherlock adjusted his surprisingly tight trousers. ‘When had that happened?’ He wondered.

This time, when John began to hump the mattress, Sherlock let him. And, for some reason, felt the need to place his other hand on John’s buttocks and force him to grind down with more pressure. Sherlock’s trousers had now become unbearably tight, so he unzipped them a bit. Just enough to relieve some of the pressure.

“Ok. I’m going to use the dildo now.”

“You don’t need to announce every step. Just proceed. I’ll let you know if anything goes amiss.”

Sherlock didn’t reply. Instead, he leaned over, grasped the stainless steel handle of the dildo in one hand, while spreading John’s cheeks with the other, and began sliding the smallest ball against John’s hole.

“Oh god! Sherlock! Right there! Please!” Sherlock could see John’s knuckles turning white as he fisted the sheets beneath him.

‘I wasn’t really doing anything special. I was just trying to make sure that I had found John’s anus before beginning insertion. Probably better off not mentioning that though.’ Sherlock thought, and began slowly inserting the first ball into John’s rectum. He continued in this manner; inserting the next larger ball slowly, until all five balls had been swallowed by John’s rectum.

Sherlock leaned back with a satisfied sigh, unknowingly pressing his palm against his hard cock. ‘Not enough pressure.’ He thought. ‘I wonder what this lube would feel like if I used it on myself.’

“John...?”

“Umm hmmm?” John replied lazily.

“I seem to have an erection of my own. Would you mind terribly if I used some lube on myself as I continued pumping the dildo in and out of you?”

John surprised Sherlock by snapping his hips to the bed, then rubbing up and down in what seemed to be an imitation of intercourse.

“Please do. It’s only fair.”

“Thank you. I’m feeling a bit tense for some reason...”

“Yes. ’Tense.’ I am as well.”

Sherlock placed his hand across John’s buttocks, allowing his spread fingers to hold the handle of the dildo upright, while he reached for the lube. ‘Ah. There’s a pump taped to the side of the bottle. Probably should use that.’ Sherlock leaned further, ripping the tape from the pump, inserting it into the bottle and screwing it on, one handed. All while holding the dildo still in John. ‘Long arms are definitely an advantage.’ He thought.

Leaning back, he pushed his pants down awkwardly with his hand. “God dammit!” Sherlock exclaimed.

John stopped all movement. “What?”

“Nothing. Nothing. I just forgot that I had lube on my hand when I went to pull my trousers down.” He said in exasperation.

“Don’t worry about it. Didn’t the book say that there would be clean up at the end?” John said, suppressing a laugh. He didn’t want to ruin this! Things had gone too far now and he didn’t want to stop. He needed to come!

“You’re right, of course.” And without further consideration to his trousers or pants, tugged at them while using his bum on the edge of the bed to help slide his pants off the rest of the way.

“Ah!” Sherlock sighed.

“Better?”

“Yes. Much. I am now going to grasp my erection, John. Doing so will most likely cause some turbulence in the bed. If so, please accept my apologies in advance.”

“‘Turbulence’? Never heard it called that before but no worries. It’s expected.” John let out another full throated moan as Sherlock twirled the dildo within John.

“Thank you, John. It’s much appreciated.” Sherlock ran his slippery palm down his cock finishing with a tight squeeze, this was quickly followed by an upstroke causing him to exhale in a shuddering groan.

Turning sideways, sitting with one knee on the bed, the other foot on the floor, Sherlock began slowly pumping his cock up and down in sync with the dildo in John’s arse. Both groaned simultaneously.

“John. I uh...ah...really appreciate you taking the time to help me with this.” Sherlock said, moaning on the downstroke of his cock.

“No worries. Huge fan of scientific research here...Oh god! Right there! Right there! Don’t stop! Don’t stop! Please don’t stop!”

After a few more pumps, Sherlock asked, “John? I feel like something’s missing. I need ‘more’. More what? I don’t know. I keep getting closer to orgasm but every time I slide the dildo back into you, I just...I know there must be something else.”

“Sherlock, I think that if you’d fuck me now, that might help with what you’re feeling.” John arched his back up while pressing his forehead into the bed. “Sure. It'd be a sacrifice on my part but I’d like it very much if you fucked me now.” John turned his head so that he was looking directly into Sherlock’s amazing eyes.

Their gaze met and held. “But John. You said that you’ve never done this before. And you’re not gay. I don’t want to do that and have you angry with me after this has ended. I believe the saying is ‘A stiff dick has no conscience” Sherlock said, looking between himself and John.

“Let’s not worry about that at the moment. I want this. I really do. I want to feel your cock inside me right now.”

Sherlock shuddered and began to slide the dildo out of John’s arse. Placing it on the bedside table, he stood up and hurriedly rid himself of his trousers and pants and then got on the bed, bracketing John’s hips with his thighs.”

“Are you sure, really, really sure, John?”

John leaned slightly to his side, showing his gorgeous cock in all it’s erect glory. Pre-cum glistening at the tip, he said, “I’m pretty sure. Now, less talk. More action.”

Sherlock slid his thighs between John’s, spreading them wider in order to do the same to John’s. Pulling John’s hips up in one hand and holding his own cock in the other, Sherlock began to rub circles around John’s hole until he begged in a deep voice; “Fuck me, Sherlock! I’ve wanted this for so long. I might regret telling you that later, but right now, I want you to know that I’ve thought about this moment for a long time. Ohhh!!” John shouted as he felt Sherlock’s cock begin to penetrate him. 

“John. While we’re making confessions, I must admit that I’ve dreamed about this moment too. Wondering how it would feel to slide my cock slowly into you like this.” Sherlock said as he gradually filled John completely.

“I know. You think I don’t know. UHH!! Yes! Just like that!” Sherlock began picking up speed. Enjoying the tightness and friction of John’s hole.

“I never knew that it could be like this.” John said.

“I’m pleasantly surprised myself.” Sherlock, pulling completely out, and slamming home again. “Oh god! I love you John. Truly.”

“I love you too. I think that I have since the first moment we met.” Sherlock reached around with his free hand, and with magnificent coordination, pumped more lube into it and then slathered it on his cock as he withdrew slightly from John. He wasn’t ready to leave completely. Not yet. 

As Sherlock slid home again, the renewed slickness caused John threw his head back, and moan, “Yes! YES!” 

Sherlock’s hand was still covered in lube. He stopped pumping, hips held tightly against John’s buttocks, reached around and began sliding his hand up and down John’s cock. Changing his grasp based on John’s reactions.

“John! John! John! I’m going to come! I can’t hold out any longer. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. It’s fine! I feel the same. Please don’t stop. I want to feel you come inside of me.”

All that remained were breathy moans and the slapping of flesh until they both stopped moving, and shuddered simultaneously. John collapsing onto the bed; Sherlock collapsing on top of John.

“Sherlock?” 

“Yes, John?”

“Happy Birthday”, he said with a huge smile.

“I think that I can say with complete confidence that this is the best birthday gift I’ve ever received.” Sherlock said, placing a kiss on John’s neck and withdrawing from him.

“Sherlock?

“Yes, John?”

“Let’s go downstairs and see what’s in the rest of those boxes. The night is young!” John said with a smile, sliding around Sherlock and off the bed to head downstairs. Within seconds, he was back. “Forgot my robe.” He said somewhat sheepishly.

“Don’t put it on on my account.” Although Sherlock was putting his robe on as well.

“Boxes. Boxes as far as the eye can see! Do you really not remember what you bought?” John said, gesturing to the boxes now spilling haphazardly from Sherlock’s bedroom door.

“Well, I bought a lot of stuff, John. Let’s be surprised together.” Sherlock said, as they gave each other goofy, love struck grins.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. John and Sherlock looked up in surprise with not a little bit of guilt in their eyes.

“Mrs Hudson!” They said in unison.

John leapt to open the door and there indeed stood Mrs Hudson, hands on her hips looking slightly annoyed but also...was that amusement?

“As happy as I am that the both of you have quit mooning about and have finally consummated your relationship, it’s 4:30 in the morning and you both need to calm down and let me get some sleep. There will be time enough for unboxing all of those sex gadgets later.” She said, gesturing to the boxes spilling out of Sherlock’s bedroom. He might have been a little hasty earlier when trying to find where that dildo had landed.

“Mrs Hudson!” Sherlock exclaimed. “I assure you that those are NOT sex toys. They’re for an experiment!” Sherlock huffed, looking convincingly put upon while John looked on, his face now beet red.

“Sherlock. Dear. I might be getting on in years but I can still read. 'Five ball, stainless steel butt plug’ indeed!" She said, smiling. 

Sherlock looked at John from where he was standing in the doorway, and they both burst out laughing while John walked back to the boxes and began ripping them open in abandon.

“A negligee? Who’s that for? Sherlock. Don’t even think that I’m wearing that! I have my limits!”

Sherlock rushed over and grabbed the beautiful smokey blue negligee from John.

“It’s...ah...for Mrs Hudson! That’s right! Here you go, Mrs Hudson!” And, shoving the negligee at Mrs Hudson, he gently moved her away from the door, and then proceeded to slam it in her face.

“Sherlock! Not again!” She exclaimed. There was silence for a few seconds, then...

“Ooh! This is lovely! And I know exactly who to wear it for!” They listened to the careful, yet somehow brisk clatter of footsteps going down the stairs was followed by the slam of Mrs Hudson’s door.

“Let’s never speak of this.”

“Indeed.


End file.
